Angels fall first
by oomookaoo
Summary: My first CCS fic. Pleeaaaaase, be good with me ). Tomoyo is suffering for someone.


Angels Fall First.  
  
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An angel face smiles to me  
Under a headline of tragedy  
That smile used to give me warmth  
  
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Tomoyo was walking towards the subway. Her usual smiling face was replaced by an emotionless one. Her skin, pale as always, was covered by a dark dress. She got into the subway car, thankfully, it was almost empty, and there was only an old lady with a kid. She looked at them. "That must be her grandson" she thought brokenhearted. She knew she will never have that privilege, at least, not with the one she loves.  
  
She kept looking at them for a while blank minded. The kid looked so happy; he was playing with his grandmother's hands. She imagined he would be around 5 years old. She lowered her eyes until they met with her hands, now skinny and frail. She almost felt like the kid was playing with her hands too. She felt old.  
  
She didn't realize the time, the place, or anything. She felt… terribly lonely, as she has ever felt in her entire life.  
  
Suddenly, a cold shudder went through her spine. Something was wrong. She blinked repeatedly, to adjust her eyes to the light of the subway car. The kid was in front of her, smiling at her. It was a mysterious, odd smile. That smile… "Eriol…" she sighed. She was about to cry in the kid's arms, but, something shocked her. He was handing her a kerchief.  
  
She took it between her fingers, she was about to thank him when, suddenly, the kid wasn't there. "Where is he?", that kid carried Eriol's smile, she needed to see him.  
  
She quickly got out of the car, looking for him. It was useless, the kid was gone. She allowed her tears to flow free. She felt so lonely, sad, hopeless… and cold.  
  
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-Farewell- no words to say  
Beside the cross on your grave  
And those forever burning candles  
  
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She moved ahead. The subway was gone, and she didn't have a clue of where she was standing. There was no use for her to stay there.  
  
The outside was cloudy. The clouds were about to explode into heaven's weeping. Just like her. She recognized the place, exactly where she was supposed to be. She followed the path that led her to her destiny. On her way, she stopped and bought a dozen of beautiful white roses. Eriol's favorite. At that moment, her strength was deserting her. She couldn't see Eriol again… not like this.  
  
She was about to arrive, when she saw somebody standing in front of the gate. It was Sakura's husband, Li Shaoran.  
  
"Daidouji…" Li sighed when he recognized her. Tomoyo greeted him with a fake smile. "Hey, how are you doing?" he asked as he embrace her. "I'm ok" she said "just holding on, what are you doing here?". He looked into her eyes. He saw that terrible sadness in them, he wondered if she even had any reason to go on. He got scared. "Perhaps the same reason you are here. Care if I join you?". Tomoyo smiled. She was glad she found him there; she couldn't have faced it alone. "No, it is fine, thank you Li". They entered together.  
  
"I know…" he told her, "I know this hasn't been any easy for you, but if you please, you are welcome at our home". Tomoyo looked at him, he seemed nervous, like he was trying to make some conversation. "We are leaving soon to Hong Kong for a season, you could come with us. Sakura will love you to come". Tomoyo sighed.  
  
"I really appreciate what you are doing for me, but I still have business here, you know, the enterprise and all that, but I'll try to make an appearance as soon as I can thank you very much". They had arrived. Tomoyo's world stopped in a heartbeat. It was too hard for her to face the reality. Shaoran put his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. She silently stepped forward, approaching to Eriol's… grave.  
  
"It is so hard to say goodbye… I just can't…" Tomoyo fell on her knees crying beside the engraved marble cross. She leaned over it. Shaoran fell so sad for her. "I'll wait for you outside, Tomoyo. Take your time". And so he left her alone. "She must do it alone, I'll come some other time, buddy" he thought as he walked out.  
  
When she stopped sobbing and calmed, she stood up and put the roses into the flower vases, she lit a couple of candles and prayed for him. "Oh Eriol… I miss you so much… why did you leave me so soon..." She caressed the cross, thinking of him.  
  
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Needed elsewhere  
To remind us of the shortness of your time  
Tears laid for them  
Tears of love, tears of fears  
Bury my dreams, dig up my sorrows  
Oh Lord why  
The angels fall first?  
  
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"Maybe someone needed you up there, but… but… Oh God, nobody needs you like I do." Tomoyo was in front of the cross. She felt her soul tearing apart. "You know, I also thought of following you… and find you in the infinite to be with you for all eternity, but I didn't have the guts to do it". Her crying was painful, full of sorrow. "My darling, I need you so much".  
  
She knew her dreams and hopes of a beautiful future where buried under six feet underground… with him. The only thing left she got was soreness; she didn't even have memories of him. He left her so soon. It hurt her so hard to wake up alone in her bed, to eat alone in that big diner room, to sing lullabies and hear the echo bouncing on the walls because of the emptiness in the house.  
  
"Tell me Eriol…" Tomoyo talked to his husband's grave, "why the angels fall first?". She got quiet. It was like she was trying to listen to his answer, which was not arriving. She looked around, she hadn't realized before of the graves placed asides Eriol's, she stood up and walked towards the one at the right. 'Okinou Karamegii' it said, and according to the data, she must have been, maybe 67 years old when she died.  
  
But the other one called her attention. It was beautiful; it had some angel figures over it. It seemed a kid's. She looked at it. 'Naremi Fuu', and according to the data, he was… 5 years old when he did. She shuddered.  
  
"Oh God…" she sighed, "see what I mean, honey? The angels always fall first". She took two roses from the flower vase and put on over the old lady's grave and one over the kid's, and came back to his husband's.  
  
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Not relieved by thoughts of Shangri-La  
Not enlightened by the lessons of Christ  
I'll never understand the meaning of the right  
Ignorance leads me into the light  
  
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"I can't get used to this Eriol…" she felt tears again, "your absence kills me". She tried to wash her tears, but it was useless. "I don't recall that I have ever told you how much I loved you… and I love so desperately… that I can't imagine myself moving on without you". She sobbed once more.  
  
"I must confess you, that I've forgotten every religion I've ever known. I tried to find one to explain me the reason you departed so soon. But no one did. I think I've become an atheist person" she tried to laugh.  
  
Indeed, she tried to find some religion to explain her why a person has to live through such pain. Hinduism, Buddhism, Catholics, Islamic, Anglicans, and so on. They only explained that everybody's got to die. But didn't mention the pain. Why the hell nobody thought about the dead person's beloveds?. Why does everybody have to die? Why did Eriol have to die?. It wasn't right. It was not supposed to happen so soon!. "Eriol… tell me believe none… make me forget the obvious thing to make this insanity go away, and bring calm to my life, because thinking that you are drives me crazy!!" She stroked her fists against the ground.  
  
"How do I live without you, my love?" She felt a pat on her back; she turned back and got shocked. It was the kid.  
  
"Hello again… Tomoyo-chan" How did this kid know her name? She couldn't react. She frightened, she couldn't speak. "I know Eriol-san is fine, but I don't think he would like seeing you sad" he smiled.  
  
"Who are you?" she tried to keep her voice strong. "I know he misses you, though" Tomoyo cried at this.  
  
"Who are you?!" She asked again, desperate. "He wants you to move on" She freaked out and kneeled in front of the kid, shaking him by the shoulders.  
  
"Who the hell are you?!!"  
  
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Sing me a song  
Of your beauty  
Of your kingdom.  
Let the melodies of your harps  
Caress those whom we still need.  
Yesterday, we shook hands  
My friend  
Today a moonbeam lightens my path  
My guardian.  
  
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"Eriol!!!" She screamed. She blinked rapidly trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness. She moved her hand to feel the other side of her bed, where Eriol was supposed to be. Empty. "Oh no, no, no, no, NO!!!!!!!" She cried out.  
  
Someone got out of the bathroom. "Tomoyo?" he called her into the darkness. He heard her cry and ran towards her. "Tomoyo… it's me, calm down" he begged her as he hugged her. Tomoyo opened her eyes. "Eriol!!, oh dear, are you okay?" she felt his face, like she was trying to make sure he was made of flesh and blood, make sure he was real. "Yes I am, I was in the bathroom. It was only a bad dream, sweetheart; it's going to be fine"  
  
Tomoyo stared at his dark blue eyes "Promise me you'll never leave me". Eriol looked astonished at her scared eyes. He embraced her tight. "I swear I'll never ever leave you" He started to hum a lullaby. His sweet and gentle voice vibrating on her ear. She calmed down indeed. "Come on, let's get some sleep now." She nodded and leaned her head over his chest as he embraced her. "You know what Eriol?" She moved her head to look at his eyes. "What?" "You are always when I need you the most… you're my guardian angel" and she kissed him softly before falling asleep beside her beloved one.  
  
The end.  
  
Note: The song is "Angels fall first" by Nightwish.  
Note 2: Review, review!! ˆ_ˆ. 


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